Why hanging on to your hurt is affecting your relationships

Misbah Akhtar

 

Have you ever paid attention to what happens if you hold on to something for long enough? It gets heavy, it starts to affect you in different ways. If it’s internal, it can make you physically sick and ill.

It’s the same when it comes to your emotional and mental health. Thoughts are energy, energy needs somewhere to go. Think of a can of fizzy drink, what happens when you shake it and then open the can?

When we allow ourselves to go back in time and touch upon painful memories which we then try to will into the present, there is so much energy being emitted; except that it’s contained so it has no where to go.

Eventually that spills over into our relationships and can affect them in negative ways.

The more you tread the path of a painful memory lane it becomes worn. When your synapses create connections, your brain remembers these pathways. The more you use them the more your brain decides that this should be the default pathway, until it is. You can either use this in your favour or against you.

Imagine this, whenever something doesn’t go your way you attribute it to you not deserving it. You do this because you feel you’re unworthy at your core; if you follow your golden thread this is where it leads to.

Your brain gets so used to your thoughts going down this path and leading to this conclusion that eventually whenever anything doesn’t go your way no matter how small, your brain tells you it’s because you’re unworthy.

How damaging is that?!

Imagine carrying that inside you daily and then trying to function productively in a fast paced world. Sounds exhausting!

Some memories aren’t memories but pockets of trauma. We touch upon what we think are memories even when they’re painful and don’t serve us and then we wonder why we get burned.

You’ll never forget, but actively re-living them only hurts yourself and encourages your brain to keep sending your thoughts down this path of perpetual of toxicity.

 

Making the decision to let go of your pain can be the start of your healing progress. It’s going to be long and perhaps even tedious due to repetition at times, but you’ve already just done one of the hardest parts: you’ve set your intention and planted the seeds 🙂.

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