A couple of days ago I was downloading various inspirational podcasts for my iPod to listen to while I am working out, going for a walk, travelling and for those times I need a little ‘pick-me-up’. The first one I listened to today (call it coincidence or whatever), was a podcast by Lewis Howes where he interviews Tracey McMillan about relationships (watch the video below). I could so relate to her message (especially being divorced myself) on self-love and self-acceptance, be your authentic self, be at peace, happy and content with yourself and the importance of gratitude and forgiveness.
“The most challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw
Now, I am no relationship expert, but I have learnt a few things from my long-distance relationship with the love of my life (lasting 3.5 years) and my arranged marriage to my ex (lasting 1.5 years).
I can truly say that I have forgiven my ex and moved on – but it has taken me years to do so, however when it comes to the love of my life, that’s a bit tricky one I must admit. We are still in touch in 2011 – hadn’t spoken to him since Summer 2001, and met him Spring 2011 – hadn’t seen him since Winter 1998 when we first met. It was very awkward to talk when we first got back in touch, so many unresolved issues. So many questions that needed answers, endless of emotions, tears and frustration – but over the past 5 years, we have both grown an understanding of each others’ feelings, circumstances, way of thinking and each others boundaries – we have become good friends. We are there for each other when we need to talk, have a good news to share, need a ‘pick-me-up’ etc. We don’t have that teenage love for each other anymore – we have a deeper connection, a deeper understanding and acceptance for our authentic selves.
Had I married him when we wanted to get married back in 2001, I would have been a completely different person – in fact the opposite of who I am today.
I have been single for 13 years and have seen a roller-coaster of ups and downs (as you do). Life has brought me endless of experiences – both good and not so good. I have learnt so much – especially about myself; to love and accept myself for who and what I am (flaws and all), to ‘Enjoy my own company‘ and most importantly; knowing my weaknesses and my strengths, eliminating my self-limiting beliefs and discovering my core values and my core desired feelings.
I have been on a journey to self-discovery which has been an amazing experience – and I am still learning and will continue to do so until the end of my days.
We tend to put too much emphasis on finding Mr Right, and that when he comes – our life will be so much better, in fact it will be like a fairy-tale. As you may know, I am a big fan of ‘Sex and the City‘ and there’s a dialogue that I have stayed me since I first time watched that episode (I don’t remember the exact words, but I hope you understand the message I am trying to convey):
“Instead of looking for your ‘Knight in shining armour’ to come and and save us and make us feel complete, why not become your own ‘Knight’ and save yourself? And treat Men who enters our lives as gorgeous beings and a bonus.”
I became my own Hero(ine) when I moved to the UK in 2008 with my baby. I had at that time accepted that this is my journey and that I was in charge for our lives. I had a vision for what I wanted our life to look and feel like – so I started my journey – took a step at a time and got where I wanted eventually.
Make the ‘Don’t give-up’ attitude your best friend
Create a vision board
Set realistic goals
Plan your Ideal Day where you’ve scheduled at least 2-3 activities / things that makes you happy
Learn to differentiate between your Intuition and Ego – TRUST your INTUITIONand IGNORE your EGO
Be mindful about how you talk and treat to yourself; Talk and treat yourself like your life depends on it – because it does!
Accept yourself completely – flaws and all – that’s what makes you unique 🙂
Be true to yourself – your authentic self
Discover your core values and core desired feelings
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”